I’m getting distracted by my loneliness. I’m catching myself wondering if there’s gonna be someone for me. Someone that I want to let in deep enough to say I’m theirs. I can’t think about it too much. I get uncomfortable and persuade myself that I’m happier alone. But I know I’m using that as an excuse not to commit.
On 1/24/13 I thought of you. I thought of what you could possibly be doing right at this moment. I wonder if I’m going to hear about this day from you one day. Maybe this is the day you got that really bad paper cut or you past your first exam of the semester. If you don’t remember this day, that’s okay. You have THIS DAY. The day I show you this to remember always.
I love you.
Face spam. we all need it.
This software can be extremely overwhelming but I am unbelievably addicted to it. I watch youtube videos and get so anxious I try to do things myself but then realize I don’t know how to do everything and really need to get a grip on the basics first. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a process and it takes time to master. I am not going to learn everything in an hour.
But I really fucking want to.
I FINALLY GOT IT. The dream starts NOW. FL Studio Producers Edition is finally downloaded onto my hard drive and ready to be used. I’ve waited a long time for this and it sure is beautiful. This is going to happen. I am going to learn as much as I can from this and get this shit going. There’s no other option. This is what I am called to do and fuck man I am going to do it. It’s the real deal. I can’t wait for what’s about to come. I can already feel the creativity pulsating in my veins. My family is going to be proud. My friends are going to be with me every step of the way.
Watch out, in a year or two my ass is going to be at the top. You’ll see.
It’s amazing how quickly a human can forget things. I forget things all the time. I just walked outside to get my phone charger from my car and the moment I got there, I forgot why I went out in the first place. I had to rethink everything I just did to remember what the hell I was doing! Trying to think of something you forgot is such a weird feeling. You want to remember it so bad it bothers you. Your brain doesn’t stop trying to figure it out until it remembers. Once it does, you relax. It’s pretty amazing how MUCH a human remembers. The first day of school, the time you got that scar, the first crush, it’s so vivid. Then there’s the things you want to forget. The break up, the terrible weekend, the arguments, they are just as fresh. When you try to forget something it’s kind of like the first feeling when you don’t remember something. Your brain is working hard to find distractions. Your gut feels weird because there’s no way to ever forget. Sometimes there are things you want to forget but inside you know you don’t.
It’s interesting. Very interesting.
I have paid for my classes and I’m getting back into the old grind. It feels pretty good knowing I’m able to continue my education. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My bank account wasn’t to happy with the transaction I must say. This past semester I have been working my ASS off trying to earn enough money for school. That was my only goal..but I learned a lot about myself and everything around me. YOU MUST WORK HARD AND DON’T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE. That is probably the number one thing I’ve learned these past 3 months. This world is ruthless, harsh and cold. People are fake, stubborn and lazy. Do not pay attention to that bullshit, they are distractions. Those things will keep you behind. Find the positives in everything. Look up and say thank you. Brush the dirt off your shoulder and keep moving forward. If you want to succeed in this world DO NOT GIVE UP. I say follow your dreams because if you don’t.. what you may end up with won’t be what you expect. It’s not going to be full-filling, it’s not going to be the next best thing. You will constantly think of the “what if’s” and will continue to dream about the life you wanted as the days pass. Work hard. I cannot express that enough. Be happy with what you do to get to your goal. It will be worth it. I promise it will.
I’ve seen what minimum effort looks like. I’ve experienced what barely passes the cut. It’s not what I want. it’s not good enough.
I’m going to the top. Join me.
I’m getting good vibes about this year. I know there are going to be challenges that I will have to face very soon but It’s something I’m looking forward to. I’m all about love and positivity. This year is for happiness. It’s for the journey and it always will be from here on out. EDM has shown me the life I want. My soul craves it and this is the year I could feed it. Building the dream head on.
I hope the rest of you know what you want this year. Go after it and prosper. Be happy this year. Be you and fucking love it.
I cannot begin to explain how incredibly diverse this year had been. I’ve gone through a number of situations that had made me happy, sad, furious, delighted,empty, enlightened, restless, at peace.. you name it I felt it. I’ve had quite a few life changing experiences. I’ve created countless memories. I’ve patched and re-patched wounds of the broken hearted. Yes, mine being one of them. I’ve watched people leave and I’ve watched people enter my life. I’ve accepted new begins and accepted the end of a chapter. I’ve grown. This year was rough. This year hit home.
This year is over and I feel like taking a nice big breath of fresh air.